How do you give your teenager space…

while staying connected to them. 

How Do You Give Your Teenager Space But Stay Connected?

 

It all comes down to a few little secrets when it comes to communication. Communicating with teenagers is SO different from communicating with adults – and can often be so exhausting. The problem is, so many of us either try to communicate like we did when they were young children (never works) or we talk to them like they are adults and their brains are fully developed. Surely they should understand!!!!! 

Unfortunately, research has shown that this is simply not the case. The adolescent brain doesn’t fully develop until early to mid (even late) 20’s so trying to communicate to teens like they are adults will ultimately end in failure. 

Here are 3 quick tips on how to give your teen space while staying connected:
1. Begin each conversation by trying to understand – even if you are struggling too. When parents can start by understanding – that is losing the judgment that they are wrong or don’t understand life and US – as parents know best, communication stays open. 
EG: You think they should be showing a commitment to homework & their future, they just need to make sure their friend is OK after the dramas of the day. 
2. Your teenager’s behaviour is not a reflection of your parenting, so don’t take it that way. Teenagers are merging into adulthood and experimenting with what makes them feel good and how they perceive themselves in the world. All of this growing often exacerbates the emotions and when emotions are ruling the brain – especially the teenage brain, sometimes poor choices are made. But it is their choice and they will learn through choice comes consequences. 
EG: Your child used to have beautiful manners, talk in the mornings and kiss you goodbye every day. Now your teen starts every day with a coffee, NO smile, NO conversation and NO enthusiasm for anything (except maybe their phone). Don’t take it personally – it’s just parenting. 
3. It’s better to say nothing in the moment if both you and your teen are not calm. Tension can rise quickly in a parent/teen relationship but responding to a situation when you are angry will never produce the results you actually want. Ask yourself before getting into a yelling match, “What is the result I want?” and that will give you the direction to take. Taking a moment to calm down will achieve greater results – ALWAYS. In fact, walk away if you have to. Don’t be dragged into a screaming match because your teen wants a result and they want it now!!!
EG: Your teen is getting angry with you because apparently every other teenager is allowed to stay out later than they are and it’s just embarrassing. Screaming back things like, “Well it’s my house my rules” or “What an absolute lie!!” will not help defuse the situation, only add fuel to the emotional fire. 

 

 

Love Always

 

 

Linking up with Denyse & Leanne from Deep Fried Fruit

 

 

 

 

 

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