‘Have your own back’
What does that mean to a child?
Have your own back!!
What does to “have your own back” really mean? When you are prepared to offer unconditional support under all circumstances, just because it is the right thing to do. To have your own back means even in times where it is difficult to see the greatness in yourself or the goodness in life, you will continue to stay true to evolving into the best version of you.
It’s great to say to children, “Always Have Your Own Back” but how do children know what this means if they have not been taught.
Having your own back isn’t about being arrogant or better than anyone else.
Having your own back is knowing that when you make a mistake – which you will do – that you will accept the mistake, you will NOT beat yourself up, you will have positive self-talk and you will bounce back stronger each time.
Having your own back has nothing to do with anyone else – only what happens with you emotionally, internally but this has a ripple effect on how you behave and treat others.
What are the benefits to you ‘have your own back ‘- all the time?
When a child truly understand that having their own back increases their happiness and this will have a ripple effect in all aspects of their life. Having your back is simply being mindful, calming the mind to make the best choices for yourself. When you have your own back you will begin to see:
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Having someone who believes in me increases my level of happiness
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When I make a mistake, which I will, I truly believe I will be ok.
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I have accepted that there is no such thing as being perfect so the external pressure has gone.
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I know when times are tough, I know how to remove myself from the problem & start focusing on the solution instead
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I trust my internal self-talk helps me and doesn’t try to bring me down.
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The people I have surrounded myself with love me unconditionally – especially my imperfections
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I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions, no matter what the consequences.
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I live up to my own expectations and accept others will live up to their own – even when they differ from mine.
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I am willing to listen to others first because I know I am heard, even if just with my own ears.
There are 6 areas to master when it comes to having your own back.
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Thoughts are yours & you own them (Self-Awareness). Teaching children what they control and what they don’t removes the pressure to try to change to make yourself feel better. Every day we get to make our own decisions (thoughts) about life and what we will or won’t do. Our thoughts are completely in our control. We control what we think, what we feel and what we do. THAT IS IT. We do not control other people. We do not control the past. We do not control many circumstances. Sometimes we make awesome decisions and life appears positive. Sometimes we make a bad decision but we can now own it. These bad decisions can lead us to a different result than what we expected but we will always have the power to decide what that path means.
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Embrace imperfections. Judge-free Zone!!! (Self-awareness) Accept that you are not perfect. No one is perfect. What one person imagines as perfect, another person will not. What you think is perfect – someone else will judge and children see this all the time. They see other children and they compare themselves – it’s natural. They see what happens in the media – it’s around them all the time. Everyone has imperfections and that is part of being human. There is nothing wrong with wanting to evolve, to grow, to develop strengths and work hard on improving weaknesses.
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Positive Self-Talk. Get out of your story!! (Self-management) These are the words you say quietly to yourself when you think no one is listening. Sometimes this is only in our mind but we hear the words. We talk to ourselves all the time but many people are not aware of how often we do and how negative most of this talk is. Have you ever called yourself stupid? Have you ever called yourself a horrible name that you would NEVER say out loud to anyone else? What you say to yourself internally, begins to have a ripple effect externally. Self-talk is when you know your strengths, accept your weaknesses and love absolutely everything in between.
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Blame takes away your personal power. (Self-Management) Blaming someone or something for how you are feeling is the most disempowering thing you can do to yourself. It puts you in a place of weakness – not strength. Blaming someone else feels great in the moment because we take no responsibility. However, when we blame we delegate our emotional well-being to someone else and we need them to do something different or say something to make us feel better. BUT we have no control over other people so we lose all our power.
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Everyone has their own path to success.(Social Awareness) Everyone has a different belief system and a different lens they see life through. That doesn’t mean their way is right or wrong – just different. Everyone makes mistakes (or can be wrong). And we need to encourage this more than ever. Some mistakes we make a huge and might regret. Some mistakes are only minor and can be forgotten by the end of the day. But each mistake a child makes is a lesson about THEIR life they need to learn. Every child needs to learn different lessons and learn them on their terms. Trying to protect a child from making mistakes may work while they are little, but what is it teaching them.
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Empathy – listen to understand and you will be heard. (Social Connections) When you are an active listener, you will hear what the other person is truly saying – not what you are deciding they mean. The best way to solve conflict to understand first what all parties desired results are – including yours. If you can begin with the knowledge you will be required to compromise and maybe collaborate so everyone can feel good about the situation – Learning to live with failure is the greatest way to learn empathy
Does your child know how to have their own back?
Love Always
Linking up with Kylie for #IBOT and Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Sure wish I had known so much of this when I was growing up…but my generation was not brought up that way at all. Sigh, Great work Natalie. I hope many benefit from your words and actions! Denyse #teamIBOT
I wish I knew this too but unfortunately, I didn’t, that’s why I teach it. So kids can have the benefits of knowledge.
Love this, especially number two!
No one is perfect!!!! and the sooner children understand this and parents stop saying they are – the more powerful their mental health will become. There is no such thing as perfect.
Great points Natalie! I really need to have my own back more. I’m working on it. I know what I need to do but knowing and doing are two very different things! #TeamLovinLife
Knowing is the first step Min as so many people don’t even know how to do it – they think it is just saying the words in the mirror.
I love this – not just for children but for adults too. We say it so often #gotyourback but having our own is really quite something.
This is suitable for anyone but the way I teach it – I try to get into the minds of young people. Saying it and actually doing it are 2 different things and I often see parents trying to teach their kids but they don’t actually have their own back.
It’s wonderful that the new generations of children do learn to have their own back. When I was raised we were very down trodden and full of self doubt. It took me until my middle age to have my own back. Great advice. #TeamLovinLife
That was me too Kathy and this is why I just live what I do. If I can reach a bunch of kids and teens to truly understand what it means to have their back and how caring for themselves ultimately has a ripple effect on everything they do – I will leave this world a happy woman.
I don’t have kids so was thinking about this more from my point of view…. I think I’m okay with the self-awareness and social awareness and connectedness.
I struggle though with self blame (guilt) and a bit of a perfectionist attitude (for myself). It is something I’m trying to work on though! #teamlovinlife
Perfectionism is such an interesting topic. Who decides what it is? Who actually knows whether you have done something perfectly? So many of us are quick to judge ourselves harshly but let so much go when it comes to other people. Why?
Great stuff. This stuff need to be taught in school. To get it in at the grass roots level. That’s why I write my Charlie series. To help kids with their self belief and to work out challenges from a young age.
You’ve summed it all up beautifully
I agree Leanne. If we can just get into the minds of young people so we can shape it in ways that serve them best.
I love this, Nat! This is something I’m really passionate about making sure my girls develop, it’s so important and can make such a difference to mental health and how we navigate life.
Absolutely. We can get swept up in our worlds and hope they will be OK and school will look after them. But school has so much already that it’s important for parents to step up too.