Parent Burnout – it’s the NEW ‘Black’
Parent Burnout?? Are you serious? Is this actually real? Sadly it is. There have been studies on parent burnout and the results show that many parents are struggling with the emotional & societal pressure of keeping up with what is expected, the huge emotional changes that occur throughout parenting and the parenting perfectionism. One study published in the Frontiers of Psychology talks about how over-investment leads to exhaustion and the fear of not being a good enough parent.
What is burnout? Burnout is when everything feels overwhelming and out of control and frustration is always hanging around. There are many side effects of burnout but some of the common ones include moderate depression, anxiety, emotional exhaustion and disrupted relationships.
Parenting today is like a full-time job – and this doesn’t account for the hours people work in their actual job. The idea of a good parent for many people means:
- Making sure children eat healthy and from a range of food groups. This can mean only eat organic foods, vegetarian, vegan, low carb, high carb, not too much packaged foods, no packaged foods, only grow your own… just to name a few.
- Making sure children get enough exercise. This can mean one activity a week, every night filled with an activity, weekends filled by going from one sport to the next or extra activities just because we had a spare 10 minutes.
- Making sure children’s mental health is being carefully monitored. This can mean labelling children with disorders, anxiety, depression, ADHD, are they too sad, are they too happy, are they looking Ok, should I be worried.. and the list could go on.
- Then there are things like : Technology worries, too much screen time, using too much plastic, lunchbox judgements, other parenting judgements, all types of judgements, working mothers, SAHM, bullying and behaviour issues.
These mountains you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb
As a mindfulness counsellor and coach, I work with many parents, however by the time they decide to come and see me, they are exhausted and struggling with either anxiety, depression or heading into full-blown breakdown mode. As parents, and I am a mother of 4 mostly beautiful teenagers, we are never taught the real truth about parenting or even given an instruction manual. There are books on parenting but mostly they are “HOW TO..” books which simply do not work. Every parent will have their style and their way of working through the ups and downs of parenting. There cannot be one way as we all experience life differently. We have different personalities, different values, beliefs, different number and ages of children and all this will guide the way you choose to parent. I’m here to talk about YOU – the parent and how you can avoid parent burnout.
IT’S TIME TO PUT YOURSELF AS NUMBER 1 ON YOUR LIFE!!!
Yes, you read that right. How can you possibly teach your child that they are the MOST important person in their life if you are constantly (and mostly subconsciously) teaching them that they should put someone else first?
Putting yourself as No.1 in your own life is simply paying attention to your health – mentally, physically and emotionally. To be the most effective parent and influence on your child, you need to manage your own life to the best of your ability. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your actions, your emotions and the way you perceive life (ie: your thoughts). Don’t blame other people for your life – it takes away all your power to make changes.
Avoid parent burnout by taking care of YOU – it’s a little thing called self-care. Don’t wait until everything is overwhelming and out of control before you take action. Remember, children, learn from what they see and how people cope with challenges in life.
Most parents have the relentless need to give to their children, hoping to fill them with enough love (and other stuff) to avoid their child experiencing any negativity in their life. It doesn’t matter how much love (and other stuff) a child receives, negative things are going to happen. That is what life is about. It’s about learning how to balance the good and the not so good. Wouldn’t it be better to teach your child how to care for themselves, to make strong decisions and know when things are going as planned, they at least know how to look after the MOST important in their life – THEMSELVES!!!
To avoid parent burnout means slowing down a little and actually taking some time to just be with your child by enjoying the moment. Mindful parenting is listening more, talking less. It’s out letting go of some control you ‘need’ to have in your child’s life because it makes you feel less fear and guilt. Teach your child how amazing they are by showing them how amazing you are. The old saying, “Don’t just talk the talk – you need to walk the walk” is where the real teaching and influence comes from.
Have an awesome day and be amazing
P.S: If you would like to help your child build strong & positive private stories about themselves, check out these mindfulness cards that work on changing the way you think about emotions.
https://bekind2you.com/product/back-yourself-mindfulness-cards/
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