What lies do you tell yourself
truthfully every day?
What lies do you tell yourself truthfully every day?
We tell ourselves lies every day… often created when we were very little. These lies become our beliefs and they served us at some stage in life. They may have served us for protection or for growth. So I ask you the question… what lies do you tell yourself and are they still serving you today?
Do you tell yourself you are not good enough?
Do you judge another person’s mood and make it about you?
Do you second guess yourself all the time?
Do you live in the present moment and love the person you have been gifted to be?
A belief is just a thought that constantly runs through your head. Most of these beliefs are created when we are very young and can last a lifetime. Some beliefs are worth keeping for a lifetime but others may cause more pain than pleasure as we get older.
A story about beliefs
Growing up I was taught that attending family functions was very important and showed how much you cared for your family. Even if I didn’t want to attend Aunty Jenny’s 60th or a cousins party, my belief was that it was very important. So I put myself out there and went.
When I married my husband, I thought (or assumed) that he believed the same thing about family stuff. I remember the first time he said he wasn’t going to come to a family function and was going to go surfing instead. He said he had been so busy at work, needed some time out and the conditions were perfect.
I couldn’t believe it!!!
Do you know what this meant? For me and my beliefs it meant that he didn’t love me the way I loved him. He wasn’t the family man I thought I had married. I was obviously a more devoted parent – oh and a better parent. For him it meant having a little time for his mental health while the weather was perfect. Two very different meanings.
This was a story I had been telling myself for years and was causing many problems in my marriage. I thought I was right and he was wrong. Simple. Never once did I understand my thoughts were coming from an old belief. I thought he was just being a prick and I needed to show him the ‘right’ way. It just felt natural to me. And it should as it was so ingrained in my mind.
It was after a massive fight with my hubby that I realised something needed to change. And that change was required by me. For us to survive, I needed to look at why I behaving like a psycho when it came to family stuff. Through a little (ummm actually alot) of coachingI discovered this belief I held for over 35 years was no longer serving me and the only way I could save my marriage was to change my thinking.
I’m happy to say we are still together years later and about to celebrate 20 years. This wasn’t the only belief causing issues and will not be the last. However going through self enquiry and awareness techniques saved my marriage.
The hidden lies
Most beliefs run quietly in the background and we are simply unaware that they cause your thoughts and feelings about life. We have listen to them for so long that we do not know any different. Our minds know them so well that everything is done on autopilot. But is doesn’t have to be that way – it’s a choice you make and you have the power to change it. Don’t get me wrong, some beliefs you created in your mind when you were 5 years old are still serving you today. However, some may not be!!!
When you start to become aware of beliefs, you realise they are the backbone of living the life you want. They control your thought cycle – thoughts cause feelings which influence actions.
So what lies do you tell yourself everyday? Are you telling yourself:
- You don’t deserve to be successful?
- You will never be smart enough to achieve more than you have?
- You can’t ever seem to lose weight and will never look amazing?
- You are just not ever going to be good enough?
Lies like these are only true of you believe them. This is in your control. That’s the good news!! You have total control on what you choose to believe. What you think you will become – successful, intelligent, healthy and good enough. All this can be achieved by changing any negative beliefs that no longer serve a purpose in life to beliefs that will make you feel the way you want to feel. With a little practice, you can change those lies into truths and watch your mental strength grow.
See Ya
Linking up with Kylie for #IBOT
Interesting. Mine is on a similar vein this week. My inlaws have that family rule, yet half the time no one talks to the kids when they come (it’s just about the role call) so I kind of saw thru that (I never called them on it, I just don’t give the kids grief if they have to work or have school work that needs to be done). I think it’s also funny how we have beliefs that aren’t even true. I know a family that goes on and on about how everyone has to be treated the same but really, it’s just when they want to insist on people being invited or something – actually no one in the family upholds this rule. It’s so weird….so they believe they hold on to this rule but no one actually does…
WOW that interesting Lydia. They believe they are begin truthful but it’s not in congruence with their life. Sadly, we are always happy to believe all the negative ones.
roll call….
I have a similar scenario in my family. Family events are very important on my side of the family and the person whose birthday it is always organises and hosts a party for all the other relatives. Yet on my husband’s side of the family his mum expects invitations to all these parties but then on her birthday expects us to take her out for her birthday and she never organises a party for others. It took me a long time to realise that different families/people do things differently.
Ingrid
http://www.fabulousandfunlife.blogspot.com.au
And when you realise this it actually takes the pressure off. Neither is right or wrong – it just is what it is. You decide what it means and how you will react because you are never going to change another person. You either make it mean something about you or the other person.
Oh yes, family rules that we grow up with and that are embedded….I too have been caught by these and I think the early years of marriage caused a lot of conflict and ‘rules’ and ‘celebrations’. How we did Christmas and how hub’s family did Christmas was poles apart. Eventually we (mostly I) learned to work with it and then over time we created our own. Great post Nat. Denyse x
Oh Christmas is a great one Denyse. Most of us think our way of doing Christmas is the ‘right’ or best way but it is only because that is what you know.
I can totally relate to the family thing – I remember when my counsellor told me not to judge others by our own value systems, or our own family standards, because each family, and indeed each of us are different. It’s all about respecting each other’s values and beliefs and making new family ways of our own.
That is so true Sammie. This is not something we learn in school which is a shame because when you know it, it makes sense.
Oh the stories we tell ourselves. This is the biggest challenge I face as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression. Often a trigger for a rough patch is all about a story I am telling myself (about myself or my life or where I am heading). Last year my biggest growth was around separating my thoughts and those stories from my actions- being the observer and knowing that I can CHOOSE not to let these old stories or lies guide my actions). So hard and part of the comparison gremlin stuff I wrote about today- all stories!!!
Your comparison story was so true. But the great news about comparison, is you hold all the power. You can choose to think someone else is better – but that is only true in your mind if you want it to be. I might think you are better but you will never believe me if your thoughts work against you.
Very inspiring! I really need to work on changing my negative beliefs into positive ones. I know it’s all in my mind!
Di from Max The Unicorn
The first thing to do is just notice them for what they are worth, and not bet yourself up when you see something you don’t like.
I skipped family Christmas this year. I just wanted a day alone, to rest, to do whatever I wanted. I’m very rarely 100% alone and I do value that and don’t get enough of it (driving home in traffic doesn’t count haha). No one really cared, apart from one person who decided the only way I could have missed it was that I was sick so they sent me an SMS saying they hoped I got better. No one told them I was sick so I wonder if their ingrained thoughts were the same. I chose not to reply to them.
At the end of the day you cannot control other people’s thoughts or actions so there is no use worrying about it. Your mental health is the most important thing.
Yep, those difference around families & celebrations seem to be a very common thread in these comments and I can totally relate… my family have always been big in to celebrations & hanging out, whereas Dave has lived close to a lot of his extended family his whole life but barely knows or sees them and it doesn’t bother him one bit. So needless to say this difference in values & importance has caused issues for us over time too, but we’ve managed to reach a happy medium. I’m also happy to say that I’ve actually managed to wiggle some of my family’s traditions (like weekly family dinner) in to his family and they love it (which makes me happy because I love spending time with both mine & Dave’s families).
#teamIBOT
That is a great new tradition you have now created. Love it Kylie.